Gender identity

You can’t go in here, it’s only for girls. Don’t you know if you’re a he or a she? It’s an it. I am Kim! Their name is Kim.

Kim feels neither like a boy nor a girl, but like something else. Most people born with a penis or a vagina don’t give this much thought. They feel like boys because they have penises, or like girls because they have vaginas. So their feeling is that, what they feel they are - their gender identity - matches the body they have. Then there are some who, because they were born with a penis or with a vagina, are assumed to be a boy or a girl - even though they, themselves do not feel that this is right.

And they want to cross over from being seen as something they feel they are not, to being understood as who they actually are. There is a little word that means crossing over: trans. This group are called transgender people. Some transgender people feel they are girls although they have been born with a penis, or they are boys although they have been born with a vagina. So this implies switching over between two things.

And since the prefix ‘bi’ means ‘two’, these are called binary transgender people. But what about Kim? Kim doesn’t feel like a girl nor a boy. There are many transgender people that feel they cannot be divided into these two gender identity groups. Instead they see themselves as a third group.

They are non-binary transgender people. Some non-binary people, at times feel more like girls or more like boys, and sometimes they feel like something else. But some always feel like they’re something else. So there are more than two gender identities: Men or boys. Most of these have been born with a penis; but this group also includes those who were born with a vagina that feel they are a boy: trans guys.

Women or girls - those born with a vagina; but also those born with a penis who feel they are a girl: trans girls. And, Non-binary: those who feel they are both, neither, or in between boy and girl. Gender identity is not about who you fall in love with, or are turned on by. This instead, is what’s called sexual orientation, and it differs from person to person, regardless of the gender identity they have. But can you just feel and choose gender identity yourself?

Yes in fact, you can! The important thing is what you feel, yourself. It’s always your right to decide - to define - what gender you are. To those who feel that their own body doesn’t properly match their gender identity, the body can seem a bit like a prison. Transgender people - both binary and non-binary - can get depressed from this feeling.

Some want to change their body so that it matches them better. While some don’t. Depression about the body feeling ‘wrong’ is called gender dysphoria. Gender dysphoria, as well as mistreatment by others who don’t understand how it feels, can cause many transgender people to feel really awful. About one in two transgender people have, at some time, considered taking their own life.

What? Taking their life? Where’s Kim? Kim! Kim!

Kim! Oh, you are alive! What's up? Ehm, I was playing games? Where’ve you been?

They were playing games. Do you hear that? They were playing games. A simple way to show respect for transgender people is to use the words and pronouns that they want to use. Most non-binary people do not want to be called he or she.

They prefer people to say ‘them’ or ‘they’. They! They! They! However you don’t need to go over the top.

It’s a friend you are talking about, and friends tend to have names. I am Kim.