The art of conversation

Emma is a new student at school. Maria wants to invite her to a picnic, but she’s feeling nervous about talking to someone new... Why are you nervous, Maria? - What if I say the wrong thing!? You’re overthinking it! You probably have many informal, private talks - conversations - every day: with your friends, your family, your teachers… And almost all conversations follow a certain simple structure.

They are built a bit like… a sandwich! A sandwich? A conversation is the content of what you want to talk about in between an opening and a closing. A bit like the ingredients of a sandwich between two slices of bread. The opening is some kind of greeting.

Most of the time, this is something we say, like “hello”, though sometimes this can also be a thing we do, like waving. Or it can be both. Our greeting will probably be different depending on who we’re talking to: how old they are, how well we know them, their culture, and what country we’re in. In some countries, people greet each other by bowing. Some kiss on both cheeks!

A greeting sets the tone for the entire conversation, so it’s important to greet people when you talk to them. Hi, I’m Maria! We have math class together. Hi Maria. My name is Emma.

Um… Now what? Next, you might talk about an easy topic that you have in common, like the weather, or the latest math test. This small talk is a way to get the conversation going and show that you are friendly, especially when talking with people we aren't close with. Small talk isn’t always necessary, especially with people we know really well, but it can be helpful to break the early awkwardness of a conversation. That math test today was tough, wasn’t it?

It was! And I’m a bit nervous to get the results back! Me too. Eventually, you need to move the conversation out of small talk and into what you want to say. Try to let the listener know what kind of conversation to expect.

I was actually wondering if you’re free on Saturday. Right away, Emma knows that whatever Maria is about to talk about requires being available on Saturday. I am! What's happening? Now, the main part of the conversation.

It will be a back-and-forth discussion, kind of like adding different ingredients to build up your sandwich. It’s important to not interrupt, or talk over, each other. Instead, take turns speaking and listening. I was thinking of having a picnic with some friends at the local park. Would you like to join?

I would love to! What time? We’re going to meet at the main gate around noon. Great. Should I bring anything?

I’ll be making sandwiches… if it’s not too much trouble, maybe you could bring some drinks? I definitely will! All the important information has been conveyed. Great job Maria! It’s time to start ending the conversation: you could reference the plans you just made, or mention how nice it was to see them.

If you need to go somewhere, politely excuse yourself. Then, a goodbye. This might be verbal or non-verbal, or maybe a combination of the two. Walking away from someone without doing anything will be confusing for the other person, and a bit rude, so don’t forget this final step! I have to run to class now, but I can’t wait to see you on Saturday!

Bye! See you later, Maria! The art of conversation… It's kind of like the art of making a very delicious sandwich!