Resolving problems and conflict

Ugh, stop being so bossy, Lina! Bossy?! Uh oh, it looks like Jenny and Lina are arguing again. Those two don’t agree very often! Anyone arguing about a problem with others is in conflict.

Conflict happens when different values, personalities or opinions collide. You’ve probably been in conflict with your friends or family about what show you wanted to watch on TV, what clothes you wanted to wear, food you wanted to eat… Individuals, as well as groups or even entire countries can come into conflict with each other. Conflict, no matter how big or small, is a normal part of life. So the ability to resolve conflicts effectively — conflict resolution — is an important skill for everyone to have. If you want to solve conflicts well, you’ll need patience, and a bit of imagination.

Imagination? Think: Can you look at something from someone else’s point of view? Can you try to understand how they’re feeling? When looking to resolve a conflict, first try to identify the problem. Why is there a conflict?

Well Lina, not only are you bossy, you’re also- Hold on Jenny. Try not to list all your complaints at this stage. Remember to use your imagination! If you list out every single thing that Lina does that annoys you, how do you think she’ll feel? She’ll probably feel attacked and get defensive, right?

Instead, at this stage, it’s important for everyone involved to agree on what the disagreement is. Don’t attack the other person and disregard their feelings. Instead, be respectful and focus on the problem. Then, consider possible solutions. In the case of Jenny and Lina, there are a few options: Lina apologises...

Jenny apologises... Or they both apologise. Next, evaluate the solutions. It’s likely that not all the solutions you come up with will be helpful or even doable. The best solution is almost always one that tries to give everyone at least a little bit of what they want -- a compromise.

Compromise is an important part of conflict resolution. It’s great if you can resolve a conflict by compromising, [...] but in reality, it’s not always easy to solve conflict ourselves. This is because conflicts are usually influenced by emotions. When anger and jealousy are involved, it’s often difficult for people to think clearly. And when we really want to be right, it can be hard to understand someone else’s point of view, or admit that we were wrong.

Sometimes we can be stubborn and we don’t want to compromise. I asked her to do one thing! How is that bossy? This can make conflicts last longer than necessary, simply because nobody wants to “lose.” But a never-ending conflict is not good for our health, or our relationships. Conflict can make us stressed and sad.

It doesn’t feel good to be in conflict with others! Even conflict between other people can make us stressed when we’re caught in the middle and feel pressure to “pick a side.” When we’re having a hard time resolving conflict, it can be useful to ask someone who isn’t involved in the conflict for help. A neutral person who isn’t on anyone’s side - a mediator - can help encourage people in conflict to discuss and find a solution together. A mediator can follow all the conflict resolution steps without their emotions being involved. Whether it’s an argument between friends or a fight between countries, mediation is an effective form of conflict resolution.

Lina, Jenny, what's going on?! Take a breath. Let's talk this out.